Thoughts

I have been feeling more and more drawn, I guess, towards Christianity.  I believe in God and have for many years.  But I have never read the bible and have attended church only a few times in my life.  Both my parents are Christian and grew up going to church.  But for a variety of reasons, did not continue it through my childhood.

And I'm curious.  I want to know the stories of the bible.  I want to know what it is that seems to bring so many people comfort in God.  I admit that I want to feel that too.

For a long time, I really haven't known where to start.  I think about going to church but then I feel awkward and uneducated.  Plus, what church? I kid you not, within a 5 mile radius of my house there are probably 20-30 churches.  Which one am I supposed to choose?  Some are easier than others to rule out, like the Catholic, and Mormon churches.  But the rest I just don't know enough about.  So I haven't gone to church yet.  And to be honest, the idea of reading the bible is intimidating to me.  What if I don't understand it?  What if I don't get what I'm supposed to get out of it?  What am I supposed to get out of it?  I feel so confused.

This past weekend, I visited my mom and we talked quite a bit about her beliefs and why she had stayed away from God and the church for so long.  I expressed to her that I wish I knew more and that I don't want Caroline to grow up and not know anything about God and the bible like I currently feel.  So while I was there, I bought a book of children's bible stories.  I bought it for both Caroline and myself.  I need to start somewhere and what easier way to understand than a book that is written for children who are first learning.  I also came across a blog post tonight about a One Year Bible.  It is written to read each day; with parts of the old testament, new testament, psalms and proverbs daily.  I am seriously considering this version of the bible.

I wish I could figure out what is making me so nervous.  What exactly am i afraid of?  Some of it, I think is that I won't feel any sort of connection or spirituality that I so want to feel.  That I hope I feel.

One more thing.  A few weeks ago, my husband was traveling for work and he found a religious comic left in a public restroom.  It is about a man named John (my husband's name) whose family chooses to follow God and John doesn't.  he is then tricked into following Satan, thinking that he has all this time left to follow God.  My husband brought it home and showed me.  He was surprised that he found this and the coincidence of his name in the comic.  Then tonight, Caroline really wanted him to read some of the bible stories to her.  So as they sat on the couch reading some of the stories from the old testament, he glanced and the tv to see the time.  instead of the time, it said 777.  No one had changed the channel to 777, it's not a channel we get.  But there it was.  At the same time that he was reading the stories of God, he saw a very spiritual number.  I choose to believe that it means something and isn't just a coincidence.  That it is a sign that we are doing the right thing.